"he’s making that face again isn’t he"
"Oh. I was hoping for a philosophical debate"
Nine doesn’t have time for your bullshit
Friendly reminder that yesterday when my mom took me to Walmart she left me alone in the toilet paper section and this guy started hitting on me and I said “Sorry, I’m a lesbian.” and he was like “Oh my god I’m so sorry I thought you were a boy.”
Soda just spewed out my nose
THAT WAS A PLOT TWIST
Video: Nick Offerman Recites Some Profound Shower Thoughts [gifs via]
THOSE WERE THE DAYS: ”Robert Downey Jr.” on The Simpsons - S11E1 (aired on September 26, 1999)
how dare u ignore me after ive made 0 attempts at talking to u
i can’t get in lifts with people because i have a sort of phobia of breathing in people’s breath
and when i got asked what was wrong by my law teacher (she thought i looked ill)
I had to fucking reply “I prefer people when they’re not breathing”